| Authored by Jeff Risdon - 24th November, 2008 - 11:07 am
 It's Thanksgiving, the holiday of personal reflection and charity paired with excessive gluttony and tremendous bargains at the malls.
On that bizarre juxtaposition, a list for NFL fans of what to be thankful for in this season of giving. It is time to also remembering the plight of the Native Americans, whom the white man drove from their lands, spreading disease and alcoholism in return for corn technology, marijuana, and places to gamble in our least desirable geographic locales.
Oh yeah, we use an ethnic slur directed at them as a nickname for the team in our capital...
Arizona Cardinals: Be thankful that Anquan Boldin is the rare breed who can demand a trade but not let one ounce of his organizational discontent negatively affect his play on the field. A quick thanks to the rest of the NFC West for sucking so bad.
Denver Broncos: Be thankful for Mike Shanahan, who can devise an offensive scheme that turns seventh-string running backs into 100-yard rushers behind a largely anonymous offensive line. He’s been a top-five coach for well over a decade but rarely draws the accolades, or the thanks from the locals.
Miami Dolphins: Give thanks that Bill Parcells came to town to pick the franchise up from the gutter. And also be thankful that he’s not coaching the team himself because while he’s proving to be a savvy shopper for ingredients, he’s better off leaving the cooking to others.
Pacman Jones: Be thankful that when Roger Goodell counts to zero, he somehow gets to the number three in terms of second chances and tolerance.
New Orleans Saints: Raise a beignet that much of the football fandom has no idea just how dynamic Reggie Bush truly is for your team and appreciate that Bush is doing exactly what Gale Sayers did a few decades ago -- redefining the position with flair and elusiveness in the open field. Because of the widespread misconception that Reggie isn’t the only prominent Bush to be a disappointment, he’s much more likely to remain a Saint.
Oakland Raiders: Be thankful Al Davis hasn’t moved the team away again even though the Silver and Black barely qualifies as an NFL team right now. Nobody else with any sort of business acumen would ever consider putting, or keeping, a team in Oakland.
Bob Papa: Thanks for erasing the horrible taste of Bryant Gumbel’s play-by-play on the NFL Network games. I guess we owe thanks to the otherwise incredibly poorly-managed network for making a good decision and taking a chance on a low-profile pro’s pro.
New York Giants: Be thankful that your ownership and upper management completely ignores your whining and chronic first-guessing. You all wanted Tom Coughlin gone, wanted Eli Manning yanked, favored Shockey and Tiki, and lamented every minute flaw with your team, demanding Jerry Reese (whom you didn’t really want) start a forest fire instead of lighting a candle. You fans got a Super Bowl, maybe two, almost completely in spite of yourselves.
Cleveland Browns: Give thanks that there’s always next year, just as there has been every year since 1964, the last time a Cleveland team won a major sports title. Phil Savage & Co. should probably give thanks to LeBron James, who will deliver my fellow long-suffering Clevelanders from that desert and take the pressure off for another 44 years.
John Madden: Thanks for years and years of insightful banalities and the greatest video game series of all time.
Seattle Seahawks: Give thanks that history smiles on franchises that suffer such an incredible rash of injuries in one season. All that talent will eventually come back, and it will face an easier schedule and lowered expectations by opponents. That worked real well for the 2007 Redskins, the 2005 Panthers, and the 2005 Bucs. I expect it will happen in Seattle in 2009.
Tennessee Titans: Two words -- Jeff Fisher. ‘Nuff said.
Green Bay Packers: Be thankful for the tradition of the tradition in the NFL. No other sport values its tradition and history like the NFL, and because of that a small city with dreadful weather and antiquated facilities can not only survive, but thrive. I’ve lived in two cities with more than double the population (Richmond and Grand Rapids) and the Arena League barely survives in them.
St. Louis Rams: Give thanks for A.J. Atogwe, perhaps the most anonymous big-time playmaker in the NFL. If he played in Dallas or Chicago, he’d be an All Pro and the focus of pregame show profiles.
Terry Bradshaw: Give thanks that Howie Long hasn’t reached over and ripped your head off with all your absurd non-sequitirs, homespun tales that nobody understands, and completely oblivious analysis.
Cincinnati Bengals: Be thankful for, uh, hmmm, well, I guess the coolest theme song in all of professional sports. And for the revitalization of the Bearcat football program.
San Diego Chargers: If you live in San Diego, look outside. It’s probably in the upper 70s, mostly sunny, and the warm scent of sea air wafts into your windows. For most of the rest of us, it’s either snowing or rainy and in the 40s-50s.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Raise an Iron City to Dick Lebeau, who belongs in the Hall of Fame as a defensive contributor to the game. During his Steelers tenure you’ve had consistently great defenses that are a treat to watch.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Be thankful for Fred Taylor, a truly class individual who has fought hard and consistently been a top-flight running back his entire career, and he’s stayed healthy lately. You almost never appreciate guys like that until they’re gone, which Jaguars'fans know all too well; can you say “Jimmy Smith”.
Dallas Cowboys: Give thanks to Jerry Jones for consistently being ahead of the curve. It doesn’t always equate to playoff success, but few owners in any sport have his sort of long-term vision, sharp attention to loopholes, or his willingness to do now and ask for forgiveness rather than waiting for permission.
Baltimore Ravens: Get down on your hands and knees and give it up for Ozzie Newsome, one of the best general managers in football and easily one of the most respected front office gurus in professional sports. I’m a Cleveland native that will never forgive Art Modell or hope for any success for your franchise, yet I have nothing but admiration and respect for Ozzie and all he has done.
Troy Aikman: Be thankful you had such an amazing supporting cast, or else you wouldn’t ever find Canton, Ohio on a map. In looking at comparative stats to make my argument for Kurt Warner as a Hall of Famer, I was literally shocked by how weak Aikman’s overall numbers are in comparison to so many of his contemporaries. Aikman was nothing more than a slightly above-average quarterback almost his entire career (the most closely comparable QB' are Bobby Hebert and Mark Brunell), yet he makes the Hall of Fame simply because he was part of a great collection of talent.
Detroit Lions: Give thanks that the bottom has finally fallen out, and it cannot get any worse. Tip your cap to Jason Hanson and Calvin Johnson too, both of whom belong in the Pro Bowl.
New York Jets: Be thankful that your front office got a little lucky. With all their drunken-sailor spending last summer, they actually came up with more Charlize Therons and less Courtney Loves. Don’t like that one, how about more Robin Meades and less Joy Behars...
Carolina Panthers: Give thanks that the Bears foolishly gave up on Chris Harris, who has been invaluable both on the field and in the locker room from his first day in Carolina.
Philadelphia Eagles: Think about the architectural abortion that was Veterans Stadium, and then look at Lincoln Financial Field. That ought to ease the pain of the last couple of weeks and give you something to be thankful for, as long as all those rats and vermin didn’t find their way to your home after they got rid of the Vet.
San Francisco 49ers: Raise a tofu drumstick to Patrick Willis, who might just be the best linebacker in all of football despite playing on a lousy team with a coaching staff that has absolutely no idea how to come up with a gameplan. His professionalism will pull this team through the hard times.
Houston Texans: Be thankful you don’t have to pay to replace the entire stadium, and that as disappointing as this season has been, it could be a lot worse -- ask the displaced Saints' fans still crowding your homeless shelters.
Kansas City Chiefs: Say a hearty thanks to your two rookie cornerbacks, Brandon Flowers and Brandon Carr. At least one of your gaping holes is filled with promising young talent that will continue to improve.
Atlanta Falcons: You know this already, but thank Matt Ryan for being able to handle all that’s been thrust upon him with a dignified class and some pretty darn good play to boot.
Washington Redskins: I’m going to surprise you with this one. Y’all need to appreciate your owner, Daniel Snyder. In a division full of high-profile soap operas and intense media attention, he has managed to keep the Skins more than relevant and competitive. That’s a bigger accomplishment than most people realize.
Chicago Bears: Have an Old Style in honor of the best, most comprehensive local team coverage in all of the NFL. Thanks to guys like Jeff Dickerson, Hub Arkush, and David Haugh, you get better insider access to the minutae of your team than any other fan base.
Indianapolis Colts: Give thanks to Bill Polian, who has continually made moves that keep the Colts in Super Bowl contention year-in and year-out despite a limited budget.
New England Patriots: Be thankful Bill Belichick is with you, not against you. He’s doing his best coaching job this year in the face of giant adversity.
Minnesota Vikings: Look outside your window and you probably see snow and a temperature below freezing, from now until late March. Remember, the Vikings used to play outdoors and apparently want to again in the future for some crazy reason.
Buffalo Bills: Raise a toast to Ralph Wilson, and if you have to ask why you are most certainly not a Bills' fan.
Jeff.Risdon@RealGM.com |
