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Rules Of Thumb For Thanksgiving
Authored by Jeff Risdon - 21st November, 2006 - 1:20 pm
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Thumbs Up

To Mike Nolan

The San Francisco coach looked fantastic and classy in his custom Reebok suit on the sidelines, bringing back fond memories of the days when coaches dressed like men deserving of respect and dignity. Oh yeah, the guy can flat-out coach too. He's got a roster with arguably the lowest overall talent in the NFL at 5-5, despite some key injuries. That's more wins than their talent level dictates for an entire season.

To the BCS

Sure there's no postseason playoff system in college football, but that serves two purposes that benefit college football beyond what any playoff system could possibly do. First, it makes every regular season game matter. If you don't win, you don't get in. And in the rare seasons where there are 3 unbeatens, or zero unbeatens and multiple teams with one loss, the team that played better against a tougher schedule always gets in. Florida fans upset with the prospect of being left out of the title game this season even if they win the SEC title, I give you two words: Western Carolina.

Secondly, and just as importantly for those in charge of college football, is that the current system ensures that talk shows, newspapers, and sports bars around the country are focused on talking college football a whole lot more frequently in October and November. That keeps stadiums full and elevates college football to a level at least equal with the World Series and the NFL regular season, and dwarfing NASCAR and the NBA.

Thumbs Down

To Matt Millen

I honestly hate to lobby for someone to lose their job, but the Lions GM has to pay for his terrible job performance. Detroit has the worst record in the league under his 5+ year watch, but it goes far beyond just the record on the field. It's one thing to draft a WR three first rounds in a row; it's another when you do that and one of the biggest needs on the team is still WR. His blind eye for talent and his complete lack of a blueprint for building a team or fostering a climate of winning are blatantly obvious to even the most casual fan. Sorry, Mr. Millen, but it just isn't going to happen for you in Detroit.

To the Philadelphia Eagles

This is not an angry thumb but a sympathetic thumb down. With Donovan McNabb injured and the defense struggling, Coach Andy Reid turns to (gulp/laugh) Jeff Garcia to try and salvage their season. The most telling stat to come from Week 11 is Garcia's passing line: 26-for-48, 189 yards. That's under 4 yards per attempt. NFL teams win about one out of every 18 games when averaging less than 4 yards per attempt. Last season in Detroit Garcia faced no pass rush on a hail mary throw from his own 45 yard line to end a half; Garcia heaved the ball so mightily he literally fell down, yet the ball barely made the opponent's 20 on the fly. Philly is 5-5 right now and will be lucky to pick up more than one more win all season with Garcia at the helm, especially with their tough schedule and leaky defense.

Thumbs Twiddling

To an OSU/Michigan rematch

The Buckeyes 42-39 win on Saturday lived up to the never-ending hype, and I don't think there's a pundit in America who would argue that those aren't the two best teams in college football this year. Before the game, I argued that the loser deserves a rematch, but during the game and in the aftermath I've changed my mind. The loser had their shot, and they lost. A rematch would do one of two things: confirm what we already knew with another OSU win, or render the regular season meeting worthless if Michigan would win. It's not fair to Michigan, but a rematch would be unfair to both Ohio State and the fans all around the country. Still, I can't help but think that Michigan presents the only real challenge to Ohio State, and I'd rather see another close rivalry game than a 20-point Buckeye win over Notre Dame, USC, or Arkansas.

To the New Orleans Saints

They're been a great story all year, but now the reality appears to be crashing the party. With two losses in a row in which their defense got annihilated and the offense kept turning the ball over, and now the Saints no longer look like a contender, even in the weak NFC. Their next two games are against a pair of 5-5 teams (ATL and SF) they figure to be fighting for the last playoff spot. The Saints are probably the better team in both matchups, but if they don't win both they're going to need lots of help to make the playoffs. It's a great time for Reggie Bush to make the impact most expect from him.

Thumbs Sucking

To the Washington Ethnic Slurs

Aside from their reprehensible moniker, Dan Snyder's team continues to defy probability and keeps finding ways to lose games. Their previously staunch defense has fallen to the bottom 3. The legendary Joe Gibbs running attack is in the middle of the pack in production. New starting QB Jason Campbell played better than anticipated but proved the Slurs are more than just a QB change away from being a good team. Bad free agency decisions, defiantly refusing to build much-needed depth via the draft, and about 10 too many assistant coaches with their spoons in the pot have sent this franchise into a very expensive, high-profile disaster. They're 3-7 and by the looks of things they'll be lucky to match that next season.

To a third Turkey Day game

I'm a member of two football-rabid families. Both families construct Thanksgiving meal plans to maximize exposure to rooting for the Lions and against the Cowboys. It's the one unifying factor between my own family and my in-laws, a needed time of healing a week after the OSU-Michigan game bitterly divides us. Adding a third game on Thursday night is too much of a good thing, like taking that fourth helping of stuffing even though there's half a bird carcass on your plate already. Aside from the fact it's a blatant drive to force the NFL Network onto cable systems and raise cable rates, it also attempts to usurp long-standing family traditions across the country. I'm sure my two families aren't alone in gathering for a fun game of hearts or poker, or a backyard touch football game, or just getting reacquainted with the seldom seen relatives. Move the game to Friday afternoon, when the women are shopping and the men looking for anything to watch on TV.
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