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Dennis Green’s Tirade Written By Howard Dean’s Former Speech Writer

17th November, 2006 - 7:20 pm

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By Buster Gunning

Arizona Cardinals head coach Dennis Green, nervous of being let go at season end, has let go of his personal speech writer as a result of his embarrassing tirade following his Cardinals’ Monday night meltdown against the Chicago Bears.

“The Bears are who we thought they were, the Bears are who we thought they were…We played them in Pre-Season, we played them 3 quarters, (expletive deleted), the Bears are who we thought they were, (expletive deleted), the Bears are who we thought they were. That’s why we took the damn field. Now if you want to crown em, then crown their (expletive deleted). But they are who we thought they were…”

These the famous words of what appeared to be an emotional response from the Cardinals’ coach Dennis Green after a humiliating loss to the Chicago Bears on Monday Night Football. However, it now seems that it wasn’t a reactionary speech at all, rather a pre-written speech prepared by the former speech writer for 2004 Presidential hopeful Howard Dean. Andrew Lumdson took the job with Green after the Dean Camp fired him following one of his more notorious speeches involving the rattling off of a bunch of states and a well-timed growl.

“At this time, I have decided to part ways with my speech writer.” Coach Green announced in a recent interview. “He just wasn’t who we thought he was.”

Coach Green is currently looking for a new speech writer and some have speculated he will make a run at former President Richard Nixon’s writer who specializes in various exit speeches.

Please apply for the Dennis Green speech writer opening at: Buster.Gunning@realgm.com

The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction.

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