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Correll Buckhalter may or may not have crossed the plane of the goal line, but the Eagles are still our top team despite the 2-2 record, followed by the Giants, Titans and Steelers.
How impressive have the quarterbacks of the Big 12 been this season? Four out of the top-5 QB ratings in college football belong to Colt McCoy, Sam Bradford, Chase Daniel and Zac Robinson.
Drew Brees is now leading QBs, giving the Saints the leading FIC QB and RB. Greg Jennings and Jason Witten remain the leaders at WR and TE, but Santana Moss and Antonio Gates had productive Sundays.
Why is Art Monk in the Hall now, and Cris Carter isn't? Well, you have to understand the selection process first, where media representatives make the case for their players.
While everyone focuses on the marquee players that will be drafted on day one this Saturday, the key to building a winning team is by acquiring 5-7 impact makers. It was Marques Colston last year, who will it be this year?
RealGM Search
By Graham Flashner
Watch out, Tom Brady. The No-Name Defense is coming after you. In a stunning, historic development, a dozen members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins, retired for a quarter-century, will strap on their helmets and shoulder pads and take the field at Foxboro this Sunday in a last-ditch effort to preserve their undefeated streak.
Quarterback Bob Griese, running back Larry Csonka, and middle linebacker Nick Buoniconti will be among the former stars hoping to turn back time – and the Patriots. Garo Yepremian will be on hand to kick field goals; Jim Langer will snap the ball from center; and safeties Dick Anderson and Jake Scott will try to contain Randy Moss.
Fed up with the woeful play of the current Dolphins, who are 1-13, the ’72 team decided to take matters into their own hands.
“It’s time to let some guys who know what to do have their shot,” said Griese. “We may be old, but we’re not dead.”
Added guard Bob Kuechenberg, “We’ve got two Super Bowl rings. They may have size, strength, and speed on us, but we have veteran leadership and a few tricks up our sleeves.”
Members of the ’72 team, now in their 60s, have made an annual tradition out of popping champagne when the last undefeated team in the NFL takes their first loss. Recently, there have been a few scares – the 1998 Denver Broncos and 2005 Indianapolis Colts both started 13-0 – but the Patriots are clearly the most significant threat to the Dolphins' streak. Additionally, many of the players feel that New England does not deserve an undefeated season.
“They cheat; they run up the score; and their quarterback gets a girl pregnant and then dumps her for a supermodel,” said ‘72 Dolphins running back Mercury Morris, referring to Tom Brady’s sacking of actress Bridget Moynihan for Gisele Bundchen.
The ’72 Dolphins have always been absurdly protective about their undefeated season. Every year, tight end Jim Mandich replays every game of the ’72 season in his back yard. Other players have been spotted undercover in the Patriots' hotel on road trips, spiking the food in room service orders. Other NFL retirees have urged the ’72 Dolphins to “get a life.”
But former Dolphins' QB Dan Marino, who saw every passing record he ever owned broken by Packers' QB Brett Favre, was sympathetic. "It’s not easy watching records you hold dear get broken,” said Marino. “If I could’ve pulled a Tanya Harding on Favre’s knee, I would’ve."
In a recent Monday Night Football game, Coach Don Shula appeared in the broadcast booth, openly rooting for the Baltimore Ravens to beat the Patriots. After the Patriots pulled out a controversial comeback win, Shula reportedly got on the phone to Griese. According to Shula, Griese couldn’t speak because his dentures had fallen out. “I told him to put your damn teeth in and get your pads on, or this record of ours is going to pot.”
Over the past few weeks, Griese and a number of ‘72 players have staged a series of intense private workouts. The results have not always been pretty. Offensive guard Larry Little’s back locked up reaching for a roll of tape. Fullback Jim Kiick separated his shoulder after a violent sneeze. Another player accidentally overdosed on Viagra and had to be rushed to the hospital. Famed receiver Paul Warfield got hit flush in the head with a football when he couldn’t get his hands up in time for the catch.
Still, the ’72 players remain stubbornly confident. They’ve diagrammed a new series of plays, with names like the “AARP Flicker”, “Badback option”, and the “Geezer reverse.”
Patriots' Coach Bill Belichick seemed unfazed by the prospect of playing a team whose members are already collecting their Social Security checks.
“Just another game,” he mumbled. “We’ll watch film of the ’72 team and make our adjustments.”
Didn’t he think the whole thing was absurd, a mockery, something that shouldn’t even be sanctioned by the NFL?
“Just another game,” he repeated dully.
The ’72 Dolphins certainly hope not.
The preceding article is a piece of satirical fiction.
