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Case Closed
Randolph Charlotin. 26th September, 2007 - 9:39 pm


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Case Closed.

That is the final ruling by the NFL regarding cameragate. They received all materials related to recording defensive coaches’ hand signals and destroyed it. The league even got written word from the New England Patriots that there are no copies, tape or digital, of such materials.

More importantly, the NFL did not find any other violations. That includes the shopping list of accusations made from other teams. It's bad enough the Patriots' three Lombardi Trophies are tainted in many critics’ eyes. With no proof of any other wrong-doing, those championships shouldn’t be tarnished.

To put an end to whatever speculation that might still be out there, here's a review of cheating claims made by other teams that proved to be baseless. After this, no more about camera-gate unless some other form of Patriots games is exposed:

Radio Jamming - The coach to quarterback radio system would fail at times, leading to the assumption that the frequency was being jammed.

Hidden Mic - One of about 17 other allegations brought on by the New York Jets. It involved a second camera on the sideline. N.E. defensive players had hidden microphones installed into their pads to record offensive audibles. The secondary camera recorded those audibles to learn adjustments.

Just a Suggestion - Communication to the quarterback is hijacked, allowing the hackers to relay bogus plays to the QB, resulting in ineffective plays, turnovers, or the use of a timeout.

Prescription Filled – Strong safety Rodney Harrison was caught ordering HGH, but other members of the team are on various other performance enhancers, including the blue pill from “The Matrix” and ambrosia, the food of the Gods.

Field of Cream - The field crew would ignore regular maintenance and allow it to become a muddy mess. This would make traction difficult for opposing teams. It would slow down offenses and throw off the timing of the passing game, as well as a little extra time for the pass rush to collapse the pocket.

Previous Experience - Bringing in a player or players who recently played for the opposing team, hoping to get information about plays and game plans.

Homefield Security - Through repeated trips to the White House to meet President George W. Bush to celebrate the three championships, they formed relationships within the Department of Homeland Security. Illegal wire tapping of phone calls as well as other surveillance methods gathered information on opposing game plans.

It Is in You - If the Gatorade tasted funny or was a little gritty, that means nanomachines were added to the powdered mix. Once inside the players, it would effect performance like causing players to cramp, jump offsides, or do the "Soulja Boy."

The Uncanny Patriots - Former members of the X-Men would assist the team in necessary situations. Magik, a sorceress that could conjure protective spells for red zone defense, was a cheerleader and Mimic, who can copy physical appearances while retaining superhuman strength, would replace injured players.

6 Million-Dollar Team - Players on the physically unable to perform list are receiving surgery to replace limbs and joints with bionic replacements.

Gulliver's Trappers - Lilliputians on the field would tie down the foot of the quarterback, making it look like the QB tripped over an offensive lineman's foot after the ball was snapped. This led to easy sacks or fumbles.
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