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Keyboard Quarterback: Say It Ain't So
Authored by Andrew Perna - 25th October, 2006 - 1:10 am
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To say that week seven in the NFL didn’t go my way would be an understatement. Several of my fantasy teams are now virtually out of playoff contention after a majority of them suffered losses, and my favorite team got embarrassed. The week that was in the NFL was quite entertaining, but the Eagles lost for the second consecutive week on a last second field goal. It was even harder to swallow this Sunday because they fell on a 62-yarder by Tampa Bay kicker Matt Bryant.

A sixty freakin’ two-yard field goal! Can you believe it? That’s good enough to rank as the second-longest three-pointer in the history of the NFL, and it happened to my boy Donovan McNabb and our Eagles. It was a game that Philadelphia probably didn’t deserve to win, but one that they had won until Bryant pulled off the impossible. From this point forward I will be referring to Bryant as ‘White Mamba.’

The Highs of Week Seven
Raiders Win One
I guess the Oakland jokes will have to be put on hold until at least next week. The Raiders beat the equally dismal Cardinals, 22-9, on the back of second-year man Andrew Walter and the wings of their defense. Oakland held Arizona to just 253 total yards, and intercepted Matt Leinart twice. Maybe Art Shell can build on this win.

Texans Tame Jags
Houston earned their second win of the season with a 27-7 taming of the struggling Jacksonville Jaguars. At 2-4 the Texans will be looking for their third win against the Titans next weekend. A win against Tennessee would give the Texans more wins (3) than they had all last season. Gary Kubiak has done a great job with this famously underachieving squad.

Vikings Ground Seahawks
Shame on me for expecting anything less than success from a team led by Brad Childress. Following Minnesota’s 31-13 victory over Seattle on Sunday, they stand at 4-2 and in the thick of the NFC playoff hunt. What’s even more impressive is where the Vikings earned the win, in Seattle where the Seahawks hadn’t lost since 2004. After knocking Matt Hasselbeck out of the game with a sprained knee the Vikings outscored Seattle 21-3 and cruised to victory.

White Mamba
Yes, I’m talking about Tampa Bay kicker Matt Bryant. He won the game for the Buccaneers with a 62-yard field goal as time expired. It came after the Eagles thought they had the game won on a 52-yard pass from McNabb to Brian Westbrook with just thirty-three seconds remaining. Bryant stunned the Philadelphia sideline with one of the longest kicks in NFL history. It’s still painful to talk about…

Tynes Career Long Wins Too
Kansas City kicker Lawrence Tynes hit the longest field goal of his career, a 53-yarder, to win the game for the Chiefs against the Chargers on Sunday. Tynes had connected on a 48-yarder before it was wiped out because of an illegal procedure penalty, but adding five yards onto the game-winning try didn’t phase the twenty-eight year old kicker. The win brought the Chiefs to 3-3, after they where demolished by the Steelers 45-7 last week.

The Lows of Week Seven
Bills Beat by Brady
For the seventh consecutive time the Buffalo Bills lost to the New England Patriots, and again it wasn’t even close. Losing 28-6 to the Patriots at home, the Bills struggled on offense all day long, and their defense didn’t fair much better. What made the box score even harder for me to look it? The stat line for Buffalo receiver Lee Evans, who had been impressive all season – one catch for eleven yards (he’s on one of my fantasy teams).

The Pits for Pittsburgh
After it looked as though the Steelers had finally gotten themselves back on track and Ben Roethlisberger was beginning to return to form, Pittsburgh suffered two big losses in Atlanta. Roethlisberger was knocked unconscious early in the third quarter, and Charlie Batch quarterbacked for the Steelers the rest of the way. Batch led the Steelers into overtime, but the Falcons were victorious on a 32-yard field goal by 100-yard old kicker Morten Anderson. Ben’s status for this weekend is still uncertain.

What Does Miami Have To Do?
The Dolphins are 1-6, and nothing is going right the Miami club that was supposed to challenge New England for the AFC East title. Dolphins quarterback Joey Harrington threw the ball sixty-two times, throwing for 414 yards and two touchdowns, but that wasn’t enough for Miami to defeat Green Bay. The Packers intercepted Harrington three times, once for a touchdown, as Green Bay won 34-24. Nick Saban will have two weeks to gear up for the undefeated Bears in week nine.

Mike Vick’s Critics
Say what you want about the passing game of the Atlanta Falcons and their quarterback Mike Vick, but you can’t discount what they accomplished Sunday against the Steelers defense. Vick threw the ball thirty times for 232 yards and four touchdowns, a career-high for the quarterback that’s better known for his legs. He added forty yards on the ground, and carried the Falcons to victory and a 4-2 record. His critics will have to look elsewhere for reasons to knock him after his impressive week seven performance.

Time Running Out For Redskins
At 2-4 the Redskins are at the bottom of the NFC East, and nearly out of playoff contention after just seven weeks of football. Each of their three division rivals (Cowboys, Eagles, and Giants) are all at, or above, .500, with the Redskins in need of three straight wins to reach that plateau. Washington has four interdivision games left this season, and it looks as though they’ll have to win all four to even have a shot at making noise in the NFC East.

My Fantasy Diary…
After suffering another sound beating from my opponent in the East Coast Pigskin league, The Drew Crew may have officially fallen out of playoff contention. I was beaten 102-68 by the Vipors, who are owned by the league commissioner, Paul, and boy did it sting. I posted a story on the league message board earlier in the week, expecting a close battle between our squads. Neither of us have had much success this season, and neither had a strong advantage heading into our weekend battle. The CBS line only gave him a four point advantage, so I talked a good game and tried my best to get a few laughs.

I said the typical things one says in a fantasy sports ‘story.’ I played the role of reporter citing quotes from both myself and Paul, looking for some sort of reaction from not only him, but the rest of the boring league managers. What did I get in return? A swift butt-kicking and a few confident phone calls from Paul on Sunday as the game was never really within my reach. I’m bracing myself for a pretty good ribbing at the hands of Paul this week, but it’s nothing I can’t take.

That wasn’t the only embarrassment I suffered this week, after three straight victories my Italian Stallions fell on Sunday in the Nichols College League. Entering the week extremely confident I played Ace Monti, who hadn’t even changed his line-up. My roster was going up against a team with two wide receivers on bye weeks, and I still lost! My full line-up managed only 39 points, with Chad Pennington scoring a team-high eleven points. The rest of my crew – Maurice Morris, Cadillac Williams, Chris Chambers, Anquan Boldin, L.J. Smith, the Bills Defense, and Jason Elam only earned me a measly 28 points!

If I continue to talk fantasy football I may throw up all over my keyboard, so let’s move onto the last section of the Keyboard Quarterback…

Strange Numbers…
Falcons’ QB Mike Vick threw more touchdown passes in week seven than he had in his first five games of 2006.

Steelers’ WR Hines Ward caught more touchdowns in week seven than he had in his first five games of 2006.

Falcon’s TE Alge Crumpler had the same number of touchdown catches in week seven than he did for the entire 2001 and 2003 seasons.

Dolphins’ QB Joey Harrington threw for more yards than the entire Green Bay offense accumulated, and still lost.

Of the thirty starting quarterbacks in the NFL only two have thrown less than two interceptions – Marc Bulger and…..Damon Huard.


Think I should switch to Fantasy Basketball? Let's do it! – Andrew.Perna@RealGM.com

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