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Halftime Is Officially A Bathroom Break
Authored by Randolph Charlotin - 30th January, 2008 - 5:18 pm
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Super Bowl XLII. The biggest game of the season. The world’s biggest annual television event. A possible record-setting game. A game so charged with energy and enthusiasm there needs to be a halftime show to keep the intensity of all viewers sky high. And according to the NFL, the artist that will bridge the gap between halves and keep everyone focused is…Tom Petty.

I’m sorry, but this is weak. I remember when Michael Jackson tore the roof off with his 1993 halftime performance. The halftime show used to be about bigger, better, and being cutting edge to keep up with the actual game. People used to look forward to it like the Super Bowl commercials.

But ever since the 2004 wardrobe malfunction, the league has played it safe to not offend adults, children, parasites, and single-cell organisms.

Because of this I’ve been subjected to a Paul McCartney show that I didn’t bother to watch. “Start Me Up” by the Rolling Stones took on a different meaning for me. Watching the leathery-skinned quartet led by the leather-lunged Mick Jagger as he strained through the set made me think of a new choru,: “Don’t make these old bones cryyYYYYYYyyyyy!”

Maybe I’m being harsh. It was a good performance for a group with a combined age of 944.

I thought the league was getting back to what the halftime show is supposed to be about when they got Prince to do it last year. But not only did he not perform anything new, but some whiners got up in arms because they felt the silhouette of Prince playing his guitar looked more like he was playing his organ.

Tom Petty for the Super Bowl halftime show. I can already imagine next year. It will be Janis Joplin as they place her urn on center stage and play her music.

I’m not saying Petty isn’t a good artist. I’m a fan of his work. But his music doesn’t get people excited and up on their feet. It’s more for while you sit in your seat while you roll another joint like Petty said to do in “You Don’t Know How it Feels,” or while sipping coffee at Starbucks. Strictly sit and listen music.

What kind of set will he play for the show? Can Petty’s music even be applied to sports? Sure “Running Down a Dream” works but what else?

“Into the Great Wide Open” for New England wide receiver Randy Moss streaking down the sideline? “You Got Lucky” for when an Eli Manning pass tipped by a defensive lineman still makes it into the hands of a Giants' receiver? How about “You’re So Bad” dedicated to Patriots' Coach Bill “Cameraman” Belichick? Is “Waiting is the Hardest Part” for the teams watching instead of playing the big game? How about “Free Falling” for the Detroit Lions’ second half of the season?

Sorry, this isn’t doing anything for me. Halftime is no longer a show but a bathroom break or when to step outside for a smoke. Other networks will have programming to compete with the NFL’s halftime show, and with dull acts fewer and fewer viewers will stick around.

Roll another joint you say, Petty? If that’s what it takes to get through halftime, maybe I will for the first time.

Randolph Charlotin can be contacted at lordrc@netzero.net
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